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It’s not a secret I wanted to know | The Daily Leaf


It’s not a secret I wanted to know

Monday, September 14th, 2020 @ 1:02 am | Audio, Random, Story

She’s standing inches away from my face looking up at me with a fury in her eyes, screaming at me that she just cares about me and why can’t I see that.

I’m really confused right now because nothing that started this whole conversation is anything that I really care about, and I’m not really sure where she wants this to go. Is she trying to break me with the drivel, or is she really trying to communicate in the broken way she’s learned over the years?

I’m feeling fragile, and all of the yelling is getting to me. I try to look past her and stare at the floor, but she knows what I’m doing and is putting herself in the path of my vision trying to make eye contact. 

Sighing, “I don’t understand why you’re doing this”

Exasperated, and with a gritty energy in her voice, “I’m telling you I care about you!”

“You keep saying that”, my voice is shaking and to be honest she’s hurting my feelings with all of this right now. Where did the night go so wrong that we’d end up here? And now there’s a sinking feeling pulling away any excitement that started the whole evening, the feeling that this is it. This is going to be the night that ends everything with us, and this is the last real moment I’m going to remember together.

“I can’t do this”, the frown on my face is annoying her now, “I can’t stay here tonight” 

The irony of what she had been yelling just moments ago was not lost on me, but I knew it was fruitless to try to keep her around any longer. What could I really expect to happen? I was her punching bag for the last half hour and now she’s tired of me, and that’s probably how I’m going to remember this whole relationship.

Now it’s a year and a half later, and through a chance encounter, we’re out having dinner together at somewhere I thought was fairly romantic for our limited options on short notice. 

She’s talking, but right now I’m not really sure to whom. The only words I’ve heard her say in the past few minutes were, “I’m engaged now”, and nothing else she has to say really matters to me. 

I want to say, for almost literally anyone else I would be truly excited for them, but she’s pulled this utter bullshit of dragging me out for dinner and hiding all of this from me until I’ve paid the bill. 

I really want to tell her to fuck off right now, but just like I bit my tongue all that time ago and let her walk out, I’m smiling and telling her congratulations while making up a reason while I need to leave early. “It’s a work thing”, it’s clear from the expression on her face that she doesn’t believe me, but she smiles with a “fine”.

It will be the last time speak. 



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